Cobra Killer

Selfish cunt.

Vernon Kay reaLLy has Let himself go hasn’t he? But boy shouLd you watch him go. It's tiring just watching the suited modeL get on with his Life. He’s Like an autistic Jarvis on the speediest drugs ever - he is ammicabLy joined by the rock god to his right, reaLLy feeLing his way through the eLectric guitar string bends puLLing those beautifuL rock faces. These two are joined by the drum machine pounding out the simpListic yet effective drum patterns which Lasted for 3 songs. The guitars "nur nur nur nur nur" over "ugga ugga cha ugga ugga ugga cha" drumming, weLL their best song was - it shouLd have sounded reaLLy empty, but the two were giving it so much you kinda Let it go - I Liked it, if onLy for the sheer fuck-you-ness of it aLL.

I Love UFO [?]

Bonjour! These guys were a French 3 piece band. They started reaLLy weLL, but the singer guitar pLayer got bored or tired, maybe from watching the seLfish cunt after about two songs. This was a shame cos they reaLLy rocked to begin with. The crowd reaLLy went for the energy. Joined by an audience member Lady to just scream for a song; she did so aLmost impLicitLy. You couLd teLL east London is sometimes an artistic pLace, sometimes I dare say - spontaneous. Not too spontaneous though I hope, my girL Lives near here. This band were worth seeing - I think it's just a quite good rock and roLL band, without aLL the wanky soLos, they get too excited for aLL those pentatonic wetness - I'm sorry - you must know what this sounds Like. If not, go and see them. You can’t miss 'em - the bass pLayer Looks Like Edwin CoLLins.

Gobsausage

These were easiLy the best band on the night - I mean, want to see the Rio carnivaL without getting AIDS? About 8 pretty pretty girLs and boys grooving the fast hard dancing tracks aLL in their pants and bLacked tape over their firmed nippLes. Apart from the baLacLava man, who shouted. This was the best thing I have ever seen for ages., and heard too. Their songs are aLL amazing and pounding, huge bass Lines over those fast pop eLectro beats. Do I mean this? I know nothing about music, u shouLd see these for yourseLves. They onLy did about 4 songs, but what unreLenting entertainment for aLL the famiLy; especiaLLy daddy, I wouLd say. This made me miss my girLfriend. It wouLd have made daddy miss my girLfriend too. Jesus - spread those Legs apart and the voLume up!

Cobra Killer

Cobra KiLLer are two girLs from BerLin. One is Anneke Trost. You can’t mention her without someone mentioning her enormous white breasts. The other girL in Cobra KiLLer, [Gina V. D'orio], once toLd me, or more LikeLy someone eLse near, that Anneke couLdn't have driving Lessons cos aLL the instructors kept perving at them or something and not the road. This gig was not Like that at aLL. The girLs were jaywaLking straight and true aLL the way to their transaLvanian mansion in the crimson sky hiding beyond the night, pouring red wine aLL over themseLves in a positive way for the sake of the journey and any interested punters. I wasn’t sure how they couLd foLLow Gobsausage, Cobra KiLLer are sexuaL Ladies, but they are aLso cLassy in a 60's vampire kind of way, squirting antique perfume at the crowd waving to us aLL with siLk gLoves on, ahead of oLd fLags with the BerLin bear on it. Maybe there is a vacancy for the queen. They wouLd Look better on the stamps. "I forgot to shut the door," says Gina, and then bang, we begin again. They seemed to have caLmed down since the first aLbum on DHR - it's kinda the same but aLso better. The songs are a bit more coherent now, but stiLL recorded at such shockingLy Low quaLity you'Ld be forgiven for thinking it was the 1930s, onLy more sLiced and fucked up than in history cLass when you did acid when you were 14 or so.

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