Sorry, i'm just very bored. Not as good as ht27's but...

Arsenal's Ade Bayor is now staying/going/does anyone really care anymore? Whinger says he'll sign one more player, a midfielder. Michael Johnson is again being linked, this time with a £5m move. They're also being linked with two Juventus players - Sebastian Giovinco & Claudio Marchisio, the former is, according to reports, 'shit hot'. Kolo Toure has got the mange.

Aston Villa will sign Brad Fridel in the next 48 hours. Blackburn will replace him with Paul Robinson who'll be joining as part of the Bentley deal. Younnes Kaboul is expected to choose Villa over Sunderland & Pompey, £5.5m, wtf.

At Blackburn Aaron Mokoena might sign for Stoke, who're looking at Mark Bresciano to replace him. He's alright, actually.

Blolton hope to have a bid accepted for Levante winger Mustapha Riga this week. They're also looking at Riki, Seyi Olafinjana & Charles N'Zogbia.

Chelsea's moneymen are putting together another offer for Fwank Lampard (why, sell him, he's a lazy fucker). Belletti will sign for Benfica on loan, with Pizarro going to Betis on a similar deal, but Scott Sinclair won't be going to Birmingham. Tal Ben Haim will sign for Man City for £4m.

Everton are still kidding themselves that they're in the race for Moutinho and they're denying that Andy Johnson will sign for Fulham for £10.5m.

Fredrik Stoor will complete his move to Fulham today who for some silly reason are looking to offload Jimmy Bullard. Alexie Smertin is on his way out, with Beckham-hater Aldo Duscher being lined up as his replacement.

Hull are near to finalising the move for Marlon King, have had a £2m bid accepted for Noe Pamarot, and one for Anthony Gardner, but a similar one rejected for Bolton's Abdoulaye Meite. I actually think they'll be okay this year. Man points to their chairman Paul Duffen for this..."I would much rather have Dean Windass in my team than Cristiano Ronaldo", course.

Liverpool continue to anihalte their academy by signing several unprouncable foreigners. The're finally signing a striker, only it's not Robbie Keane but David Ngog from PSG. Astrit Ajdarevic will sign for NEC today, exactly. Elsewhere, they continue to be linked with several expensive players who we all know they can't afford.

Man City are being linked with every striker under the sun, despite still having at least twenty on their books. Better news is they are being linked with Valencia midfielder Ever Banega, who's meant to be well good. The Santa Cruz deal will be struck quite soon, £14m + Danny Mills being a good deal for both clubs, i reckon.

At "the world's best-supported football club, TM", Carlito Tevez is risking the rath of Taggart by saying Ronaldo should be allowed to leave. I'm dubious as to whether he's have said anything, or knowing his English, whether people are twisting his words. Paul Scholes has unsurprisingly announced he'll play for two more seasons at most, i personally think he shouldn't.

Boro are bizarrely looking to sell Lee Cattermole, and have accepted a bid of £3.5m from Wigan. He's always stood out as one of their better players to me, weird.

In the Toon, Kenny Keegle has apparently offered Celtic £5m + N'Zogbia for Aiden McGeady, who could well prove to be as good as Zinedine Zidane or not. I like him a lot, but am not sure he could do it in a proper league. Emre has finally left and Michael Owen will retain the captaincy.

Inter are said to have bid for Sully Muntari, but Edu has turned them down.

Stoke seem to be refusing to get involved in being linked with players, but may or may not've made a stupidly OTT bid for Morton Fulop. Demar Phillips is going to Oldham, that's about exciting as it gets.

Sunderland drew in Portugal, should sign Shibomber today, and have wrapped up the deal for Timmy Tainio. They're said to have bid £6m for Steve Hunt and are looking at another loan for Johnny Evans.

Spurs got tonked 6-1 by Crawley and are still apparently signing loads of footballers and selling some others. £12m + Eto'o being the latest but not so new one. In bigger news Benoit Assou-Ekotto has been transfer-listed & Jake Livermore has broken his leg.

West Brom are putting their new kits on sale, without a sponsor due to the fact that they can't find one. They're looking at some Polish geezer, aswell.

Wham have signed Valon Behrami for £5m, puzzling as i'm sure he was out of contract. Now Lucas Neill will move, probably to Fulham or Man City. Tonight they play an MLS All-Stars team on Sultana, should be good. They're also signing Jan Lastuvka, strange. Fred Sears is mulling a new deal in the hope of him not being poached by a bigger club.

At Wigan, Emile Heskey's house got robbed. Surely when weighing up which houses to break into you'd pick one that wasn't owned by a 6ft 15-stone gripper. Best striker in the world Amr Zaky has sorted out his loan deal

Barca have signed Henrique and loaned him out to Leverkusen.

Michael Mifsud will sign for Bristlol City today.

Dundee United's Noel Hunt has signed for Reading.

Kasper Gorkks is moving from Blackpool to Premiership-bound QPR.

John Viafara has left Southampton.

Luke McCormick has had his contract terminated, harsh, well, probably not.

Istvan Ferenczi has moved from Barnsley to Ferencvaros. Shame, i liked him.

Jay Bothroyd won't be going to Leeds. Toni Ameobi has left.

Rotherham are fooked by the sounds of it. Look forward to seeing them play at Don Valley this year.

Leigh legend Michael Twiss has signed for Bury.

Leicester have signed four players.

Cambridge have released Stephen Reed.

Isaiah Rankin signs for Crawley.

Celtic have ditched plans to sign Romanian brute Gabriel Tamas.

Achille Emana joins Betis.

Andres D'Alessandro has signed for Internacional (really?).