by morons
"is tinking y is it sooooo easy 2 mix da new bassline music looooooooool"
"last nyt was jokes y fucking argue wid us about food u cunts loooooooooooooool"
"who da fuck was dat random bird in greenwich last nyt? ware did she cum from? lol"
"is finking deres 2 many people wid atitude problems n certain people need 2 sort dere lives out"
i don't have enough people on facebook
for this :(
^ I hear you.
:(
when man utd won the champions league or whatever they did this year
someones was "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE" which made me sad for him
i had about 5 of these
:(
...
X is as in got the holiday blues or whatever u call them!
19 hours ago
that doesn't even make sense, you arse puppet.
from the same person's profie...
Favorite Books:
Do i look like da reading type?
Jesus wept
:D
Favourite Music:
r n b, funky house, nefink rly
is what i'm guessing it says on that person's profile.
There's a girl from my school who befriended me on Facebook
I haven't seen her in 10 years.
Every satus update she makes is about how much she loves her boyfriend.
****** can't wait to see Dave tonight.
****** has had such a bad day, but a cuddle from Dave will make it okay :-)
****** says 'Hands off - Dave is mine >:-{
***** missed Dave
FUCK DAVE AND FUCK YOU.
it'd be interesting
if she was talking about the tv channel.
Too many of my facebook friends are like this
*** cnt stop frowin up!! but was lookin 4ward to wearin er cow girl outfit!!
***is LOVIN CORFU BUT IS MISSIN DUGGIE BURGER LOADS N CNT WAIT TO SEE HIM ON THE WKEND X X X X.
***Is up far to early in work but is looking forward to the first nite out in ages with miss poo tonite! Things are going to be very messy! I apologise for the pho.
Dicko's
post just made me snort out in laughter... maybe i should put that on my status... erm no.
But that Dave thing is well funny, what a silly girl.
:')
kill her.
Can Dave be ma wife?
I have an ex colleague
who is having a "long distance relationship" with "Neil" who lives in Australia.
**** is pissed off that she could not speak to Neil tonight.
**** is praying that she can speak to Neil tonight.
She also comments on EVERY photo featuring Neil, normally the comment is "gorgeous".
You need to get new friends.
people are updating their facebook whilst at festivals
it's just wrong on so many levels
this is ridiculous
Sarah is at Roskilde, has seen Radiohead and Band of Horses. Things are goooooood!
Peter Stevens... is loving the weather!
ARGHGHGHGHGH!
Someone needs to collate all this onto one website
Maybe a blog. The new spEak You're bRanes.
I CALL IT!
nyeh.
The worst facebooks status updates are:
******* is tired.
******* is so hungover!
*defriend*
no, the worst one is this:
******* is.
all the same girl, same day:
***** ??Is addicted to Vintage!!!!??Can't wait for Costa Blanca!!??Wants to go shopping :)??Is so happy!!:)??.
3:58pm
***** ??Is addicted to Vintage!!!!??Can't wait for Costa Blanca!!??Just bought a really sexy dress!! :)??Is so happy!!:)??.
6:48pm
***** ??Is addicted to Vintage!!!!??Can't wait for Costa Blanca!!??Just bought a really sexy dress!! :)??Is so happy!!:)??Need some lovin'!!??.
8:40pm
***** ??Next week I shall be sunning it up in Spain!! Wooo Hoo!!!??Just bought a really sexy dress!! :)??Is so happy!!:)??Need some lovin'!!??.
9:13pm
***** ??Next week I shall be sunning it up in Spain!! Wooo Hoo!!!??ZENS IS A PILE OF WANK!!!??Is so happy!!:)??Need some lovin'!!??.
12:34am
another girl does the boyfriend thing. ALL THE TIME. these are not the worst:
******* Loves Her Lil Present From Adam =] Thank You..x.
1:04pm
******* L? V E S Adam So Much..x.
8:42pm
******* Has A Wonderful Boyfriend ? =].
10:00pm
What the FUCK is with her
punctuation?
There is also one boy who has really
depressing updates. Todays is
***seriously...is getting fed up of being told one thing...then left in town again.....why?? why?? why?? do i bother.
the question marks are
♥ actually, but i couldn't be bothered to type them all out. i think i prefer the question marks actually.
i didn't get her a present
cheeky bitch.
i hope they read DiS
...
******* is jammin ere finkin ydae woooz JKEE! ang tyt minii chiik! &DatWunLykRapid!x.
***** Y was everviiwun poppin up 4rm random places 2dae? ANDHeHadASxcHaircut!!=p (?)M.A.S(?).
*** is luviiin lyfe atm! luvs youu sexii Gaz <3
amazing.
some people are just BEGGING to be shit on
:D:D
haha i knew you'd like that
:D
xox
Maybe if you read it upside down it makes sense.
i'm logging on now
let's see what's what.
so
in the space of 10 minutes i've got 24 application requests.
Cant wait Till 19th July I Am Gonna Shake Up Boro!!!!
feels numb and has ran out of tears.
has a bad hangover and has 2 go 2work 2night :( gunna kill jane for getting me drunk lol.
LOL!!!!
feels numb and has ran out of tears.
is my fave.
i have a couple of those girls as well
"....can't believe he'd hurt her like this"
"...is scared and doesn't want to be replaced"
"...can't wait to be back in his arms"
etc.
stata, moron
*changes facebook status*
word.
:D
I like it.
what's it say?
i don't have either of you added :((
"izzle about to sizzle snopp doggizzle. yeah. fuck you otherizzle peepizzle. (I'm not sure what I ty
:D
I didn't realise we were friends on Facebook
I clicked this thinking it was the Arnie quotes thread
so I was reading them in an Arnie accent going "what film was that in?"
Me = Idiot.
"Shelley is weekend"
WTF?
Spelling error, clearly...
So delete them.
i vet my facebook friends
anyone repeatedly posting retarded status updates gets booted out of my honoured circle
hmm not bad
xxx has just got back from magaluf..funniest week xx
xxx as a chinese girlfriend! Uh oh
Just run down my status thingy
and discovered that one of them is
xxxxx can't stop looking at her scan pictures. They're just TOO cute!
She's one of my ex-students. She's 17. Oh my GOD.
whoa :(
people at uni are assssome...
**** has sent the portfolio, of portfolios, to the U.S.
**** track and trace says its state side.
**** thinking,.
**** k now where is it,.
**** SSDD.
**** got work to moz, but a little later,.
This guy can only be discribed as "uncouth"
*** ***** is on a final warnin for whistling/shouting at and generally harassin the women folk of richmond. 22m ago
i fucking deteste
people who count down to something everyday, and start three fucking weeks in advance. Fuck off. I don't care when you graduate you fucking pleb.
only 22 sleeps
till xyz. cunts.
^ sleeps
you don't get boys using sleeps as a unit of fucking measurement. And what if you pull an allnighter is said event no closer?
i hate statuses even the sensible ones are shit
facebook can fuck right off.
a friend has the BEST facebook status updates and is one of about six reasons
why I don't close my facebook account
**** thinks I'd enjoy being a teacher. Mainly because I really fancy 11 year old girls.
**** needs clarification on this new AIDS remedy. Do I have to fuck a fresh baby or can me and some mates all share the same one?
is your friend whiterussian by any chance?
no
it's a guy that comes to the bookclub that I run. He's very funny, and actually quite endearing in real life, despite amusingly nasty facebook updates.
*sigh*
says 'raise youir glasses' to clair!! Happy Birthday Gorgeous!!! Love ya muchly!
is missing the girls and the pink princess on a friday night.
I really would delete my facebook account if it wasn't for the friends I don't see enough of!
have you tried?
My friend did and it was like some cult escapist interview. When he finally deleted it all his posts and everybody's on his page became erased from history. A week or so later when he reactivated it they all came back and his existence was acknowledged again!
Not yet
but I'm sure I will soon. I've added quite a few people I wish I hadn't.
I'm sure I'd cope without it, it doesn't validate me in any way! It just has lots of photos of me wearing the same clothes!
strangely enough mine does too
admittedly I'm lazy, but also I don't want to be one of these Uni students who maxout their digicams then upload their 'pics from a bangin weekend' with about 300 pictures of cringeworthy poses. IT MAKES ME SICK a little bit.
I worry about people
who take their camera everywhere and take pointless photos like the obligatory "let's take a photo of each other taking a photo"
hmmm, it is worrying the whole self-affirmation thing...
I may have to adopt a Native American Indian stance and destroy their cameras claiming that "It took my soul"
Thankfully none of the people I hang around with are like thism though people are coming back Uni and it's the obligitory 'go to the pub and have small talk' time..
back from Uni*
Yes. As my friend said.
The same people, in the same places, in the same poses, just wearing different clothes.
"is glad to have boyfriend back. gonna walk funny for days!!"
:-(-< '
that's a tear fall into the dark endless pit that is humanity.
that would be the obvious thing to do when impressing one's boyfriend...
unless she means HE'S GONNA POUND HER BETWEEN HER THIGHS? Ewwwww.
sadly
i don't think her John Cleese routine was what she was referring to.
My John Cleese routing is my best move
is that IT work
but done eratically?
Manda Rin's status updates are good
Apparently, some of her badges got lost in the post, and also some of today's well-known musicians recognise her and idolise her.
why do interesting people have boring facebook updates?
I quite fancied someone once until we became friends on facebook and I saw his updates.
"I'm going to stop banking with HSBC."
What
You prefer people who don't know how to operate in society and in their life and who can't survive properly - some weird "Bohemian" types?
....
who says banking status updates are incompatible with having a crazy life?
yeah that halifax guy seems like a bit of a character
when she was 15, my sister had a saturday job at halifax
Howard - the guy with the glasses - does an annual tour of all the big branches and the staff get to shake hands with him
is he actually an employee
he's not just an actor or whatever?
yes, apparently he did actually work there
and so is an inspiration to all staff...
Someone told me
he works/worked in the Sheldon branch in Birmingham, and is a cunt
is it easy to get a job at halifax?
i work at carluccio's. if antonio carluccio comes in i'm going to hug him so hard
http://tinyurl.com/5uopxe
well, she worked in customer service, nothing major
and it was a weekend job because she was still at school.
So it depends on what you want to do?
Aw, Mr Carluccio looks so nice. If Argos had come into Argos while I was there that would have been exciting. The ship with a 1000 eyes.
Everyone on my list is always boasting about holidays
except "..... is working" -- I know you're working. You do nothing but work. I live with you and I don't think there's been a single day that you haven't worked the whole time I've known you. Even your holidays are for work. Tell us when you have a day off!
Some idiot
from university, who I now regret accepting as a friend, post status updates constantly about her fucking cats. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR BLOODY CATS. STOP UPDATING ME ABOUT THEM. NO ONE CARES.
oh god yes!
have you been invited to 'catbook' yet?
**** is lookng forward to Berlin
***
is so happy i spoke to my nick. i miss him so much cant wait til tuesday. BTW HOLLYS 17 TOMORROW
****
has passed his first year at uni......... off 2 camden to get trashed, yea boi!!
****
is fed up
DULL
sigh
*****reckons it's all too complicated, since when was a smile anything but a smile?
POSSIBLE CYSTITIS ALERT
****'s tickle has turned into a stabbing pain. Oweee!
***** is pretending not to be still heartbroken. (YEAH, NOW HE'LL NEVER KNOW)
is the tickle a penis?
very very strange
i didn't think of that
I hope so.
A tickling penis sounds horrendous though.
*something about Ken Dodd*
^ lollacaust
People are fucking thick.
No really, they are.
LOVE these threads...
was gonna start one of my own because of this awful, awful human (I dont even know him really, but yet I cant bring myself to delete the twunt):
***** is looking at his misses tits and by george their nice and very big.
***** has just come back from the field shagging his girl good and proper got bit cold tho so had to go back into car to warm up but been a nice eveneen all round lol.
***** says having quickies on a side of a country lane is fucking fantastic being seen would of been great WOOO.
***** is in need of some tlc as im very down.
seems like a cool guy
No. just... no.
My computer crashed just going onto his page because of all the 'Zany!!!' applications.
i have a friend like this
it sickens me.
I know.
Even Robert Mugabe would be a better facebook friends than him.
Hmmm... I wonder what Facebook updates he'd have...
.
'Robert Mugabe has just eaten hiz cornflakes and rigged hiz 3rd election, lolz!!!1'
...
**** can't wait to get naked and snuggle :D.
boo-urns.
WITH A CACTUS