BOOMTING. didnt work v often

and an expert never shares his secrets.

yeah someone actually said that. urgh.

then looked at me, made a comedy 'phwoar!' expression and said, 'sorry mate, got to go, I've just seen the woman I'm going to marry!' and hung up.

Only in Wetherspoons.

never used a pick up line, i dont think people really need to use them when you can just say hello and talk which seems alot easier than looking like a twat and then trying to recover unless person there trying to pick up looks like a utter fool or is incrediably drunk why would any even bother with a pick up line?

he was talking about money, obviously.

FOREPLAY THEN INTERCOURSE!

"have you got any Dutch in you? No? Would you like some..."

Tee. Hee.

I don't think I've ever used a chat up line sincerely though. I just used to say 'what kind of music do you like?' and then flee in horror or stalk obsessively depending upon the answer.

Do you wanna play circus? well, sit on my face and i'll guess your weight..

Do you like fruit? Suck my cock its a peach...

and

Do you like chicken? well, suck my cock its fowl...

...it's called; less clothes'

:)

WELL HOW ABOUT A DATE?!"

this creepy guy i know used to have a whole list of hilarious chat-up lines on his bebo profile. but, like, not as a joke. he actually used them sincerely. unsurprisingly, he's still single.

I can feel my chickless plight coming to an end

becuase i had fine written all over me, the other day. pretty embarassing. she then said her friend had dared her to do it, which begs the question, who still succumbs to dares at the age of 18? the conclusion i came to was idiots.

whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

last time i went, i was wearing my jackie brown t shirt with a big ak47 printed across the chest. i was standing alone for a minute while my friend was getting a drink or something, and some guy walked up to me and said, wait for it,

"so, you like big guns eh?"
me: "erm, it's a film quote" (it's the one that goes, AK47 - when you absolutely, positively gotta kill every motherfucker in the room)
him: "alright, what film is it from then?" and then starts guessing and can only name crap films, despite the fact he was claiming to be a film director, and showed me some plastic card with oxford written on it, probably in an attempt to impress me. i finally told him what film it was and his face just went blank.

anyway.

my friend finally returned. the guy still wouldn't fuck off (and he had really horrible breath and i was just laughing in his face but he was too drunk to take much notice of it) so he kept trying to chat the both of us up. eventually he stepped back and said,

"right girls. i'm going to go back over there to my mate (nods over to his mate standing by the wall). i'll give you girls a few minutes and then you can just come over to us. talk to you in a minute yeah"

for the rest of the evening him and his mate were standing by the wall next to the dj box staring at us.

(the sad part here is i did actually meet someone nice later that night but somehow forgot to ask for his number :( i still hate myself a bit for that)

"Hey, would you like a raisin or would you prefer a date?"

worked for me a grand total of 0 times.

"i like your earings, they make you look like a model."

"i like your hair, did you cut it yourself?"

"if you were my girlfriend, i wouldn't let you out of my sight."

"i see your bra is the colour of your hair. that's sexy."

"can i brush your hair?"

"i've been wanting to talk to you all night but the queue was really long"

pulls out trouser pockets
"would you like to?"

i think the best/worst part was that he took everything out of his pockets and handed them to me.